The Old West
by PhantomR
Summary: Alucard, Walter, Seras, and Fargarson, in the old west. Theres SOME humor towared the end...kinda. Seras in her underwear. Read&Review! Reviewers get a cookie! first hellsing fic


THIS IS A JOINT WORK FROM THE MINDS OF PHANTOMR AND ACGS. OK, this is our first Hellsing fic so please be nice! This is actually a dream that I had. (REALLY!! But parts of the dream didn't run too smoothly so I had to add some stuff.) So if it gets kinda weird in places blame my subconscious. And thank you ACGS for pre-reading and helping me with parts of this fic. (Even if it cost me $2 and a Mountain Dew) IT WAS MY CONSEPT! I STARTED THIS FIC!  
  
NOW ON WITH THE FIC! READ&REVIEW  
  
WE DON'T OWN HELLSING!  
  
It was 1876 when I became a bandit in Alucard's gang. I was one of the first. A member of the unholy 5. He was still a lawyer when I met him. Ironic, isn't it? First he fought for justice, then against it. I remember the day we first met.  
  
My client walked into the courtroom; well, I was only one of the assistant lawyers. The other assistant was a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and red eyes. A trick of the sunset, I thought at the time. She said her name was Seras Victoria. Our client was a scraggly looking man convicted of train robbing. He was called Fargason. He was once an officer in the army. Then He came into the courtroom.  
  
He was wearing a big red hat and a long red coat. He was the man I was assisting. He won 70% of his cases. He was Alucard. It was strange; he requested that the trail be held at night. I didn't know why then. As he walked in he waved to a man in the congregation. Walter, I later found out. The judger seemed distracted the entire trial and, at the end of it all, after dismissing the case, he seemed to wake up from some sort of daydream. This wouldn't be the last time I saw Alucard.  
  
I was on my way to Seras' house one evening, to ask her her opinion on new case of mine. She was in her garden, when I saw her receive a letter. After opening it she seamed quite angry. She yelled "How dare they even send me a letter much less invites me to join their membership, where I'll most likely be killed!" And then she crumpled the envelope and threw to the ground. I saw the crumpled and smashed emblem of Section 13. Then the shadow fell over me. It was the shadow of a long coat and big hat. "Hello lawyer boy." I whipped around and saw Him. Alucard and his fangs. Then the gunshot rang out. Half of Alucard's face was gone. The blood covered me, I was in shock. Seras screamed. There were four men on horses. One holding a smoking gun. The four rode up to Seras with smirks on their faces, each wearing the Iscariot insignia on their shoulders.  
  
One of the men looked down and saw the crushed letter lying on the ground next to Seras and frowned, "So, you won't join? Pity..." Slowly the man drew a large revolver from his holster and pointed it at Seras' head. "No one can know about us, you know...Oh and we will have to kill you too Sir." He said as he pulled the hammer back. Just as his finger began depressing the trigger to fire the gun, a bullet crashed into his weapon, disintegrating the barrel and knocking the man's hand aside. The other three turned their horses towards the gunshot to find the hand of the 'dead' man holding a large black gun, smoke trailing out of the barrel. "Now, now, I can't have you shooting my fledgling." Was all he said before the maniac grin spread across his face. "Besides, you know what I am, you should at least use blessed silver." "Master!" Seras yelled, a relieved smile on her face. "Seras, are you thirsty?" "Why...yes I... I am Master" "Then let us drink." I was afraid, I reached for my gun, not knowing who I should shoot. I raised my Colt .45 and just stared as I watched Alucard attack.  
  
"M-m-monster!!" A man screamed as he emptied his gun's ammo into Alucard's chest. The bullets, simple lead, just sunk into Alucard, doing no damage to the King of the Undead as he pulled his second gun out and blasted the man shooting him into the next world. Moving faster than the eye could track, Alucard rushed to the falling body and ripped the man's head from his body. Holding the disembodied head above his face, Alucard let the blood rushing from the neck fall into his open mouth before tossing the head aside and turning to the next man, the same evil maniacal grin plastered over his face; this time, however, his face was splattered with blood, making him look even more demonic than before. As I watched in horror at the blood- bath that my previous employer was inducing, I noticed a man behind Alucard holding a large silver cross above his head, ready to plunge the sharpened end through Alucard's back. I paused for a moment, thinking that Alucard would surely notice the man, but as it became apparent that he was so engorged in his feast that he was unaware of the man, I took my chance. With shaky hands I quickly pulled the hammer back, leveled the gun, closed my eyes as I turned away, and pulled the trigger. Looking back at where I shot, the man was lying on the ground, clutching at the large cross plunged through his chest. The gaping hole in his stomach caused by my bullet betrayed that he wasn't long for this world. Seras, who had ran into her house during the fighting, returned outside carrying her Halconnen. Cocking an incendiary round into the cannon, she walked over to the man who had fallen off his horse from Alucard's fire. Bringing the barrel a few feet away from the man's chest, she readied her finger. "Why, I don't believe I'm interested in joining, sir." She said before pulling the trigger, the burst from the explosion created an enormous crater on the ground the man had once been. As the smoke cleared, Seras stood in the center of the crater, an evil smile on her face. The smile was in odd contrast to the fact that the explosion had blown off her clothes, leaving her in her undergarments.  
  
Finally finished with his meal, Alucard notices one man attempting to escape. Grinning, he shot the man in the head and watches his body fall lifelessly to the ground, silhouetted by the final rays of the setting sun. As Seras made her way out of the crater, Alucard walked over to the final dead body and, thinking for a moment, brought it to Seras.  
  
"Here, drink this, and be careful, he's been shaken." Alucard said, tossing the body to Seras. Seras, obeying her master, grabbed the body and bit into the man's neck, an odd hissing sound emanated from the two holes Seras makes on his neck. "Uh! He had too much air in his blood!" "He was hyperventilating when I shot him." Then both of the vampires, for I realized that is what they were, turned toward me. I was still shaking when Alucard said, "Thanks for the save back there." He sighed "You've seen too much human. Seras and I live quite comfortably here and if the town's people ever found out what we were I have the feeling that we would no longer be welcome." I fell to my knees and bent my head down. "I beg you too spare me, kill me if you must, but I will not tell a soul either way."  
  
"I believe you owe him a favor Alucard." I turned to see an older man with a monocle. Standing next to him was Fargason. "And I believe you now owe the Iscariots a favor as well, my old friend. Hello I am Walter Dollneaz. You already know Fargason." Walter said as he turned to me. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."  
  
Alucard just smiled. "Seras, go get some clothes on and bring some ammo, we're going to pay the Iscariots a little visit." Seras looked down at herself and blushed. "Oh my god!" She dropped her Halconnen and ran into her house. She emerged five minutes later fully clothed in a blue uniform with an ammo crate strapped to her back, she retrieved her Halconnen and looked at Fargason. "There are more weapons in the house, pick any you like, you too." She looked at me. "Don't go through any of my things, or Alucard will kill you."  
  
I loaded a rifle and cocked it, replaced the bullet for my Colt, and picked up a shotgun. "This was the first time I have ever killed someone. I suppose that these will be all I need." Fargason turned to me "You will kill a lot more men before the night is through, may god forgive us." He then smiled. "You helped me get off the charges, though I suspect Alucard hypnotized the judge for me, I'll watch you back."  
  
Walter walked five horses to the house. "May I assist you Miss Victoria?" "Oh thank you Walter" We mounted and rode toured the Iscariot fort, when I saw it I was stunned. "How are we even going to get inside? The walls must be four feet thick!" Alucard nodded to Seras who dismounted and raised her Halconnen. Walter spoke up "Perhaps we should all dismount, the horses will most certainly be spooked by the sound of the cannon." Alucard grinned, "Good idea Walter. Then we can have some fun."  
  
Seras raised the cannon and fired, the loud explosion startled the horses and they ran. The smoke cleared and there was a gaping hole in the fort's wall. We charged.  
  
As we neared the opening, what seemed like dozens of men spilled out from inside, all wearing the Iscariot emblem. Walter, standing back from the rest of us, spread his hands apart and threw his wires at the men. Seconds later the ground around our entrance lay strewn with headless bodies. Upon entering the fort, gunfire erupted the ground around us into a torrent of sand. Alucard, reveling in the battle, charged straight forward and into the enemy formation, his weapons firing at the men standing on the scaffolding above the ground, each shot hitting its target, though Alucard wasn't looking in either place. Seras, setting up her Halconnen next to the hole, quickly incinerates the doorway to the church inside the fort, it was, after all, Sunday. Alucard, reloading both guns, walks over the large pile of bodies that used to be the fort's elite guard. Standing upon the top of the mound of flesh, Alucard grins evilly and cocks both guns. Before walking towards the opened church, Alucard smells the heap of bodies, "Ah... I do so love the smell of a massacre." Even over the gunfire from my shotgun and the remaining Iscariots we could hear Alucard's maniacal laughter. Upon entering the church, Alucard, Fargason, Walter, and I look around, noticing how empty the church was. Walking further in, we soon reach the alter before Seras runs in; her Halconnen barrel smoking and slung over her shoulder.  
  
"Master!"  
  
Spinning around, we see Seras just before dozens of swords and knives plunge into her back, some of the points making their way through to her front. Blood explodes out from her back and front.  
  
"Oh come now, Seras, just get up already and stop being so... melodramatic."  
  
Seras, sighing, stands up and pulls the swords from her back, a sad expression on her face.  
  
"But Master, I always wanted to become an actress."  
  
Another sword flew through her stomach, this time, however her wound didn't heal back. Standing in the shattered remains of the church door, Alexander Anderson held two of his swords in front of his face in the shape of a cross, a maniacal grin spread across his face. Alucard, frowning, took aim at Alexander's head and fired off three rounds. Seras, still struggling with the sword stuck in her abdomen, took a few steps forward before falling forward onto the ground. Walter quickly ran to Seras' aid, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. Alucard, meanwhile, stepped up to Alexander's limp body, places one foot on his chest, and then proceeds to empty both guns into the priest's chest.  
  
"Merry Sabbath, Judas Priest!"  
  
Exiting the church, Fargason and I noticed the faint sound of voices in the distance. That was when the patrol noticed the large hole in the fort. Alucard, satisfied that he had shot Alexander into a bloody pulp, reloaded his guns and turned his sights on the incoming forces. Eventually running out of ammo for our weapons, Alucard decided to take a much more personal approach to killing the final stragglers. As the night had already set in, Alucard changed his form very easily into a group of bats which re- assembled in the center of the remaining soldiers. Some of the men he just ripped the arms off of, others he jabbed his arm through. The remaining few were unfortunate enough to have made their retreat out of range of Alucard, but in range of Seras' Halconnen. Having already recovered from her wound after Walter's assistance, Seras wanted to make sure that her master wasn't the only one having all the fun. The crater her shot made added yet another pot hole to the now desolate Iscariot fort.  
  
We destroyed many other forts, robbed countless banks and trains, and we came to be known as the Unholy Five. My time has ended however, as the executioner has come to hang me. I bid you all ado.  
  
A/N: Alright, I get my own Author's Note! This is ACGS, and I was the real 'man behind the story'. Let's see if any of you can notice the change in writing styles, shall we? Also, it's time for advertising! I write Evangelion fan-fiction, so if any of you Hellsing fans reading this also like Eva, please go and read my other fics. I write for all ages and genre types! Well, that'll do it for my A/N, so, till later, my fans, have some... Stuff!!!!!

Here. To all who review, here's a cookie!


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